Protocooperation
by ZJeM
Summary: "PROTOCOOPERATION - where two species interact with each other beneficially" - Something doesn't match when I want to call my relationship with HIM with that name... [Matt POV]


**Disclaimer:** I don't own 'Death Note' - Õba Tsugumi & Obata Takeshi do.

**Dedicated to MxMSupporter.**

**SONGFIC TO **_**I DON'T LOVE YOU**_** BY MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE.**

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**PROTOCOOPERATION -** where two species interact with each other beneficially; they have no need to interact with each other - they interact purely for the gain that they receive from doing this. It is not at all necessary for protocooperation to occur; growth and survival is possible in the absence of the interaction.

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_**Protocooperation**_

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He was packing his stuff. Picking up clothes lying all over the floor, putting them together mindlessly and hiding them into his suitcase. He went to the bathroom to collect his cosmetics, not that he had a lot - a toothbrush, toothpaste, some creams that he never really used and - well, the biggest beauty extravagance that he let himself have - his favorite body lotion that smelled like chocolate. A pretty poor-quality chocolate, but still one. He came back to the room and stood in the middle, double-checking if he had taken everything needed. Well, he had obviously forgotten something important. He'd forgotten me.

_Well when you go__  
So never think I'll make you try to stay__  
And maybe when you get back__  
I'll be off to find another way_

He kept standing there, his eyes running over shabby walls and to the window. He didn't even care enough to cast me a single glance. A skinny kid in an old jumper, trying to play a big, scary man. I snorted from the irony. It'd always been me to do that, hadn't it? After all, what normal, accepting their age 13-year-olds smoke at least two packages of cigarettes a week? I'd always be scolded by him for that. He heard the sound, finally rising his eyes. A shiver was sent through my body when my pupils met his, icy-blue and keen. He already knew what I was thinking. He always did.

_And after all this time that you still owe  
You're still, the good-for-nothing I don't know  
So take your gloves and get out  
Better get out  
While you can_

I felt a hot flame bursting inside of me. An incapacitating anger was taking me all over, and he knew it. He knew _everything_. He knew how I was feeling from a single look, from a single sight of my face, even covered with goggles. It's not that I'm like an open book, it's just his ability. I can't hide anything from him. So why is _he_ able to conceal everything? Every single emotion he feels, I have to work like hell to get them out. I stood up, hands clenching into fists when I approached him. He didn't even blink when my hands gripped the soft fabric of his clothes. My limbs trembled, my teeth clamped and my face puckered.

_When you go  
Would you even turn to say  
"I don't love you  
Like I did  
Yesterday"_

"Just like that..?" I heard an unknown, hoarse whisper escaping my lips. I cleared my throat and opened my mouth to raise hell for him further, but I couldn't make a single sound. He waited, an impatient look appearing on his face. I felt my cheeks blushing furiously and let go of his sweater.

"I get it… You don't want to take me with you… I get it so well that it fucking hurts…" to make my badass image crumble even further, hot tears began flowing down my cheeks.

"But… I don't get only one thing… I guess I'm not genius enough" my screechy giggle pealed out in the cold air of the attic "Why? Why do you want to leave me? Why do you want to make all we've gone through unimportant? Why, Mello? ANSWER ME!" He only lowered his head with an inscrutable look on his face.

_Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading__  
So sick and tired of all the needless beating__  
But baby when they knock you__  
Down and out__  
Is where you oughta stay._

I inhaled deeply, stopping the sudden train of memories. Outside my red Camaro, rain was pouring ruthlessly, covering the town in dark curtain of water. It isn't good to space out during your watch, is it? This time, a gang I espoused with was rather pathetic. The salary was barely enough for living and, anyway, what self-respecting group hires a skinny IT specialist to look out for cops for them while they make their transactions? My life'd been that shitty since he left… Just one man leaving me and I fall to the bottom? I smirked.

"Well, it's not like I had parents to warn me about double-edged relationships…"

_And after all the blood that you still owe  
Another dollar's just another blow._

I taught him how to run really fast. It came in handy quite often. Escaping Roger lecturing us after we broke this ugly vase from the nuns' orphanage, for example. I taught him about different car models. It raised his interest in motorcycles instead, but hey, it's good unless it has horsepower, right? I taught him how to swim, which saved him when those stupid older kids threw him into the lake. I taught him how to bake his favorite chocolate cake, how to shave properly, even how to calm yourself down when one particular part of your body's anxious! For God's sake, I was the one he shared his first real kiss with! Well, it seems it wasn't such a big deal for him, huh? But it was for me, just like it always will…

_So fix your eyes and get up  
Better get up  
While you can  
Whoa, whooa_

I have to get him over. I have to forget, find another objective in my life other than being on his every nodding. I have to stop mindlessly picking up this stupid chocolate every time I go to that stupid supermarket. I have to stop thinking about money as if there were two people to take care of_._ I need to stop ruining my psychology worrying about his well-being or waking up at least twice a night because I have just had yet another dream with him. I have to stop being that stupid kid and go on. It's been almost six years, damn it! I sighed and closed my eyes, only to be assaulted by that last moment again.

_When you go  
Would you even turn to say  
"I don't love you  
Like I did  
Yesterday"_

"Say it. Say it wasn't important. Say _I_ wasn't important. Say just a few words and I'll leave you alone. But you need to say it" my voice was shaking "You need to admit that all we've been through means shit to you. SAY IT, MELLO!" I wanted to be civilized, to keep my face, but fuck it. Refinement meant nothing when he was tearing my heart into pieces. He kept silent, he didn't even look me in the eye.

"SAY IT! LOOK AT ME AND SAY IT! SAY YOU WANT TO LEAVE ME, THAT YOU'RE SICK JUST FROM LOOKING AT ME! _SAY_ _YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE!"_

_Well come on, come on_

His tongue was caressing mine. I felt it with ever receptor of my mouth, and an unexpected tightness of my pants confirmed that. How did it happen? I had no idea. The only things that mattered was the softness of his agile muscle, his slender arms wrapped around my neck, his hands pulling my hair to the point it nearly hurt… An against-my-will moan escaped my occupied lips. I almost surrendered the bliss, had not a question pop up in my head. Where was the chocolate? His breath, his lips, his tongue – they'd always tasted chocolate. Why was it missing?

_When you go  
Would you have the guts to say  
"I don't love you  
Like I loved you  
Yesterday"_

He left my mouth, both of us panting heavily for air. I felt a sudden urge to smirk. A dark chuckle escaped into the air "What was that? You think it's a proof of anything? You felt it, I felt it too. Our feelings-"

"I don't love you" his voice was quiet but certain.

Mine, on the contrary, was loud but shaking like hell "What?!"

"You heard me, Matt"

I suddenly started laughing like a madman "Really?! Just like that?! You say you don't love me and I'm supposed to believe you?! After… After _this kiss_?!" He stood there, listening to my chortle in silence.

"Let's go further! Admit it, you _never_ loved me!" He twitched but I didn't care to notice "I was just a _toy_, a fucking sex friend, well, if you throw sex and _friendship_ away, I guess. You never really-"

"I SAID I DON'T LOVE YOU! NOT ANYMORE! NOT LIKE I _DID_ YESTERDAY! GET IT, SHITHEAD?!" his filled with anger scream made me froze. He had tears in his eyes…

We both knew he was lying.

_I don't love you  
Like I loved you  
Yesterday_

_I don't love you_  
_Like I loved you_  
_Yesterday_

And I was left alone. Desperately clinging to every little memory of him. Staring at motorcycles on the street, 'cause he'd once said he'll someday get him one like that. Buying chocolate body lotion, which I never really used, just to put the bottle where I could see it. Freezing like stupid whenever I smelled chocolate. Fucking ugly sluts 'cause they just happened to have similar hairstyles to his. I was left dreaming about him, about our life together, left with nothing but pathetic hope for his comeback.

Our relationship was definitely a protocooperation. We were single individuals. We were able to live alone. But, at least from my side, and I sometimes dreamt that from his too, what life was that without each other?

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**ZJeM, 20.06-22.06.2013**

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**From author:**

Shit, I'm not even a MxM fan, but the ending made me feel sad. T^T

I know, sis, you've probably read dozens of fics like this one (much better ones, I guess), the beginning of yours is probably pretty similar too.

Anyway, it was surprisingly fun to write. ^^ I hope it doesn't suck as much as a part of my brain thinks. XD

Three cheers for your OTP! :D

Oh, and as for the question Mattie raised: I wanted to use this motive about Mello not being able to eat chocolate when he's in deep-shit-mood. ^^


End file.
